I am feeling absolutely guilty for abandoning my blog like this for so long. No updates no shit. Only tweeting. It is probably the easiest way to blog. lazy haha. Anyway, I have been feeling better since.. erm.. last night. Well, as the usual me (emo-ing) and was playing Angry Birds to distract myself at 2 am. I have to say my insomnia is back but deffos not getting worst.
I know in the 21st century, many people are free thinkers, agnostic or even an atheist. What I about to say is that, something miraculously happened. Like I said, I was playing Angry Birds and I was clearly not enjoying it cz I'm forcing myself to play it. Why can't I do something else to distract myself you asked? Well, is 2am and there's not much to do. Argh... the thing that happened was, a thought or a quote popped in to my head. I have heard of this quote before. During one of the Sunday service last year at Grace's Church. I went and google the quote and found it easily.
So for the first time in months if not years, I actually fell asleep feeling safe, calm and peaceful. Sounds as though I died, wtf. lol. Although I am yet to fully back on track, at least the emo-ness somehow distanced. I also learned IF I ever feel sad or when I feel like my path is dimmed, I shall pray. I admit that through out the 7 deadly sins; pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth, I committed some of them. I gave in hopping to feel better as if that's the way it's suppose to be. Mind you, I said I committed SOME not all! I don't wanna go to hell wtf. Yea, like God's taking count what I wrote here.
Anyway, everyone has different ways of making themselves feel better. Only that I discovered it so much later. *sweat* This is deffos my way and I sure many people out there share the same as well. There's another quote that I want to share before I end this. *wink*
I know in the 21st century, many people are free thinkers, agnostic or even an atheist. What I about to say is that, something miraculously happened. Like I said, I was playing Angry Birds and I was clearly not enjoying it cz I'm forcing myself to play it. Why can't I do something else to distract myself you asked? Well, is 2am and there's not much to do. Argh... the thing that happened was, a thought or a quote popped in to my head. I have heard of this quote before. During one of the Sunday service last year at Grace's Church. I went and google the quote and found it easily.
Immediately I burst into tears. I have been feeling sad for a while with the only problem, I couldn't let it out. It feel like it's indescribable and no matter how I try to explain, it just does not do any justice to how I feel. I kept asking around if my healing progress is normal cz it has been so long since it happened. So last night, I felt like someone actually understand my pain. It has been some time since I last said my prayers, so I did when I burst into tears. It probably lasted about 10 minutes there but when I actually stopped, I felt calm and peaceful. Something that I hasn't felt in ages. I also kinda understand the fact that God wouldn't give me something that I can't handle. I only wish that He trust me less.
So for the first time in months if not years, I actually fell asleep feeling safe, calm and peaceful. Sounds as though I died, wtf. lol. Although I am yet to fully back on track, at least the emo-ness somehow distanced. I also learned IF I ever feel sad or when I feel like my path is dimmed, I shall pray. I admit that through out the 7 deadly sins; pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth, I committed some of them. I gave in hopping to feel better as if that's the way it's suppose to be. Mind you, I said I committed SOME not all! I don't wanna go to hell wtf. Yea, like God's taking count what I wrote here.
Anyway, everyone has different ways of making themselves feel better. Only that I discovered it so much later. *sweat* This is deffos my way and I sure many people out there share the same as well. There's another quote that I want to share before I end this. *wink*
"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.
- Elizabeth Barrett Browning
=) agree with everything u have said, its the best feeling ever.
ReplyDeleteDoesn't it feel as though we are not even worthy of His love.
I still do feel like way, because no matter how much knowledge I know about Him, I still betray him countless of times, ask for forgiveness and repeat again, and again. What makes us feel so Loved, is He never blames us but still receive us whenever we decide to return to Him.
Ever since I started Uni.. I slowly stop worshipping and praying and talking to God. Then in the middle I just stop and forget about Him.
But now, I am trying to redeem myself again.
Best of everything to you Fiona =) You are blessed, you have clearly shown your heart to Him, and has been paid off. More blessing will come with preseverence.