Away from home

The truth about me being in Singapore? I'm depressed!! I missed home, my life! What can I complain about? I joined an industry where you have no life, no friends but flying. It is so bad that I can't even tell anyone my sadness. Sure, I have my <3 but it seems like he doesn't gets it. I don't even know what to do!

My first supernumerary flight is tomorrow and I already feel like really dreadful. I miss home! I miss having someone who loves you to ask you genuinely are you ok? I'm feeling lonely all the time. Not that kinda lonely your thinking but the kind where you are being loved around. I believe a person who laugh the loudest are the loneliest person. That's because I'm trying to cover my sadness. Among my batch mates, I seem to be so happy all the time. Does anyone know I'm aching silently? That I'm dying slowly inside? I don't know who I am anymore nor do I know what's my identity.

I want to matter like how I takes people I love so seriously!! I'm missing home really badly. I'm losing sleep and never in my life I'd take coffee except once and that was almost two years ago! I drank coffee today. Black. I find myself losing concentration, bit by bit.

I just want someone to hug me so tight like I'm the most precious thing and nothing else in this world matters and tell me everything is going to be alright. 

X'mas in Singapore

Merry X'mas folks!! Hope you had a bunch of good times with turkey, ham, sausages and most importantly family and friends! I certainly did, although not exactly during Christmas, but last week. Daddy and my brother came to visit me!! So happy I can cry. haha..

All this time, I know he is getting older everyday, but what I didn't know is he has aged so much. So fast that I am suddenly afraid that I can't catch up with him. Ohh... How I miss him!! *tears*
Christmas has yet to end but in my mind, I can't stop thinking bout going home during Chinese New Year!! It's less than a month's time and trust me, I'm counting my days.

Here, I must also thank my ♥ bringing them around. It was a short trip, in fact too short. They arrived just nice for lunch. Right after lunch, we showed my dad the place I'm staying then and to Universal Studios for a walk. Immediately dinner in Chilis. Then shopping. The end. Next day, they went back as I've got to work and I'm not allowed to take leave. Short and sweet .♥


Have and awesome time during this festive season peeps! Till then. xo

Essentials to survive in Singapore

So I moved to Singapore for close to 2 months in a few days time. What I really learn or realize is that every single soul that plans to live in Singapore needs to have 3 most important items. With this 3 important items, you can go places!



So, item #1.......

Yes, umbrella. Preferably pink. Why? Because in Singapore, the weather can be worst than a woman having menopause. Why again u ask? It has been raining non-stop for 3 days in a row! At first, it's kinda nice cz it's cooling and whatsnot but once it continues non-stop, it's kinda annoying/digusting/frustrating/etc. Every time you step outta the house, you get wet! Not fun!







Moving on, item #2.....

EZ Link card. I'm sure everyone has an ez link card. Seriously, who doesn't right? For the benefit of those who don't know, ez link is a card where you can travel by bus or train without the trouble of carrying loads of coins. I wouldn't suggest train for now though. The MRT has been breaking down on a regular basis recently. haha..  Anyway, I adopted the kiasu-ness and got myself two ez link!! Well, it's so that in case I didn't have enough value on one, I have the other. =)







Last but not least, item #3....

Yes, that's an iPhone 4/4S, whatever. No difference to me. In my case, my 3gs works perfectly fine for me, so I don't see a reason for you green-eyed monster out there to have an excuse to change your phone. Wait for iPhone 5 I say! haha. Anyway, with an iPhone apps where you can use your current location and find out which bus or train you need to take. Best of all, you can also check what time the bus/trains arrives. You'll also realize the music helps you kill time, lots of it.


There you go, all the items that I think I won't be able to survive without while go around in Singapore.  Although, I would like to add an item #4.

Do keep in mind that with item #4, you can screw item #1,2,and 3 if you want. But item #3 is really important so forget it and screw item #1,#2.

What's that you ask???

Loads of cash like you just robbed a bank. Anywhere I go, I'd have a limousine with me. haha..  And if limo ain't grand enough for you, maybe a helicopter then, since Singapore is so congested. I will also then ask you to refer to item #1. Not to prevent you from getting wet, but the weather. Go figure!

That's it folks,

Till then. xoxo. ❤

Disclaimer: The items #1,#2,#3 is only useful if you have some of the cash like #4, then you can get all three(3) items. 

People and things that matters

So I have some time today to blog as my class only starts at 2 today. woot!! Thought I could update the photos during my birthday/farewell with my family. It's backdated, about 1 month and 6 days late. A day before me leaving to Singapore, had Korean bbq! I thought the food was not bad but most importantly, I enjoyed the time with them.

I knew I was gonna miss them like I never did before but I also knew this is what it takes for me to really appreciate what I have.They say, when you lose some, you gain some. And I actually thought I didn't really lose that much when all I gain is becoming closer to my family emotionally. Sometimes, distance is all it takes to bring people closer. I know that very well beforehand, *ahem* had some first hand experience.

I almost melted when I saw the birthday cake as I was expecting a normal icing of "happy birthday". Yes, that was how strange me and my family was. The "Lovely Family" and all the ♥, aaaawwww.... tears. We often forgot, it's always the smallest things that people do that moved us.

Birthday/farewell gift from daddy and bro. It's funny that daddy got me a key when I have already past the 21st threshold. I guess this is an approval from daddy to set me free. When I was leaving, I could see daddy's teary eyes and he said "This is her first time being so far away". We both so wanted to cry but oh well, we are taking baby steps to be expressive. 


Enough with the mushy stuff, I'm just really home sick. Anyway, daddy and bro is coming to visit soon! Woot.... although sis in law can't make it, maybe the next trip. That's it for now. 


xo ♥ 

Chopped..

As part the requirement as a cabin crew, I need to bun my hair up. Neat and tidy. Unfortunately, my hair is very long and thick. All the way to my lower back. And yes, I chopped my hair. First time, I went and chopped off 3 inches and thought I can bun them now.

I was wrong. So wrong, it is still very heavy n thick to be bun up. So off I go, chopped off another 3 1/2 inches more. Trust me, it is a very heart breaking moment. I've kept them so long and not to mention I love to curl my hair!! I can throw my tong away now. My hair is only at the armpit length now. T_T

(excuse the messiness of my room) 

This is to give you and rough idea of how long my hair was when curled. Now, it's gone. All gone!! I don't even wanna take photo of my hair now. And I was thinking, since I already chopped off so much, might as well chop all and go slightly above shoulder length, no?

Sigh... never mind me. I think this is the post syndrome after my hair being chopped off.

Updates....

I hasn't blog for a very long time... yada yada yada... everyone has excuses for not updating and here's mine. I've been very very busy. I know, everyone is!

Anyway, I an airline company and moved half across the country to our neighbor Singapore more than 2 weeks ago. And everyday is an exciting adventure for me as I don't know what to expect! Everything is so new to me! At first I thought of how different can it be? You know, moving to Singapore and getting use to living there. Truth be told, it's not easy! I need to learn to take the bus and mrt. Most importantly, having someone to guide you. What's more can I complain right? But even up until today, I wakes up 3 hours before my training starts cz I'm afraid of being late.

I now have dark circles that can compete with China panda I swear! I'm sleepy by 8 or 9 although I usually sleep 11 plus, latest 1. I consider it as quite an achievement cz usually I need about 12 hours undisturbed sleep. Sigh... I can barely keep my eyes open now. Gotta crash. Till I update again.

xo.

False alarm

Okay.. This post is to write something nice to compensate my previous angry post + I think it didn't do Moink justice. Even so, I wouldn't remove previous post as it was written with the companion of anger and it was just how I feel. We settled our issues, and back as a happy couple. I wouldn't say the problem will never arise again, but at least we have a better understanding of each other. I'm all smiley but unfortunately, I feel like I'm gonna fall sick.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep so all kinds of thoughts ran thru my mind and I realize how happy I am being with Moink. He's very sensitive bout my feelings and welfare. Having our relationship started with a distance, the only thing he does is to ensure things works between us. The only thing I need to worry about is, he has an evil scheme. He wants to feed me so much I become a fatty. T_T
With that happen, I will be grounded even before my flying duty starts. Those who don't know yet, I will be starting my training with X airline end of this month. Hence, I can't afford to be fat and I did not see him for almost 2 weeks, I think I manage to lose some weight. :P At the mean time, I'm counting my days till I see him again. Can't wait to see you Moink!

Alrighty.. I'm feeling sleepy head now. Will share more soon.

xoxo.

Did I just made the worst decision ever?

I couldn't stop crying. This has been the longest fight we ever had. Three days and counting. I don't know what I should do anymore. I apologized but it wasn't sincere enough for him and worst still, I didn't even start the fight and yet I get the blame. For picking a fight, for my ego is too big for this relationship? Who's ego is too big? Seriously. Is it really coincident that you couldn't make it to come up to KL each time or is KL just not good enough for you? Whenever I brought this up, he says I'm being calculative, so I kept quiet to prevent it from going in to a fight.

If my ego is the killer for every relationship, then with you constantly bringing our past 'fights' up, you are not doing any better. I am constantly being accuse for not loving you or care for you. I don't know how I can show it to you god dammit!! I'm in KL and it makes this so fucking hard do you know that!!

I'm losing my temper again. I couldn't control my tears because its the same feeling before my failed suicidal act eight years ago. When you have all the blame on you when you knew clearly you didn't do any of those, it's a fuck up feeling.

You can't take care of me cz before the world even fall upon me, you already hurt me. Your door can be replace but let me tell you, words being said can't be replace or taken back. They cut sharper than blade or anything in this world. They can make someone feel like they are the happiest person in the world or it can make someone feel so low, even life is not worth living. I am absolutely outta my mind to actually think this is gonna work. I made myself believe it's gonna work n in the end, I got myself burnt.

Brain dead

What do I say now? I have been going for interviews in SG since May. I finally got thru! It's a job that I really love to do but not the company that I want. What should I do? The company that I want is throwing another interview next month. Unfortunately I can't hold the current offer till then. I'm very reluctant to take the offer cz it doesn't seem very attractive. Well, truth is, I am suppose to see the contract this Wednesday but I already have a rough idea how it would be. I think there will be a high chance I will reject them. I wanna rejoice cz I finally got it and I don't have to do LDR. But it doesnt work if the new problem is finance rite? I'm mentally and physically exhausted. I don't know what I'm doing any more.

LDR

The problem with me is I complains, a lot! I think I can probably pass as a Singaporean at the rate of me complaining bout things. Well, I think it has something to do with who you hangs out with. :P

I think I'm kinda seeing someone but there's a distance problem. We are really trying to make things work. The thought of it makes me feels all warm n fuzzy although sometimes I feel like giving up. And it drives him to frustration. But one thing I must give it to him is, he calls me every, I repeat every night. No matter how tired he is or whatsoever. I guess it's to make sure we don't feel like strangers when we see each other each time.
And it drives me nuts when he's falling asleep and yet still don't want to hang up. Quite cute actually. He's sensitive with a pinch of jealousy and probably an ego size of _______ (yet to find out).
We try to be adventurous, two weeks ago, half hour before I off work, we were on the phone. And later on, he decided to fly me over for the weekend. Very movie-alike. Lol..
But obviously it's not gonna be him contributing all the time otherwise it would be really taxing on him, so I did flew over the following week.

We finally had our first argument after 3 weeks! It's only 3 weeks ffs! I would think the reason we argued is really stupid but we started with a distance and we did not had a chance to get to know each other like every other couple did. I am trying very hard but it doesn't seem enough. At the rate of how soon we already argued, you can do the math yourself. I know I will regret what I says now because I find myself cares too much for him. For that, I'm gonna call myself, stupid. Do you agree?

Love, me

Forgive the ugly link, I'm blogging from my phone. I'm quite confused myself. Not about the blogger app that I'm using but something personal. The link is a song I can't stop replaying. Love it lots but somehow find it painful to listen to when you're missing someone.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kcs9fCbOXFw&feature=youtube_gdata_player

It's back

I don't know why, or maybe I do, but I feel like I want to cry so badly. I feel like things has come to a turn where I can't do a damn thing about. I feel like I have come to a dead end. I'm angry, I'm sad, I want to cry. But who will understand? People could ask you how are you just for the sake of asking. I guess if I'm not strong enough to pull my shits together, people would just thinks you're not good enough or not even worth it.

I believe that when you're fine, people would seem to 'care' about you. They don't mind to seem like extra caring because they know they don't need to actually do anything to help you. But if you're in deep shit, look around, you'll find no one around you. #truestory.

It has been so long since I wrote something here. Been busy, and sorts. I feel really tired, weary, exhausted, fatigued, frazzled, exhausted, drained, worn out, bushed, beat, haggard and etc... psychically and mentally. I find myself getting angry at everything. Feeling of wanting to cry all the time. What the hell? In fact, I'm feeling like punching the crap outta... a punching bag of course. I think I need a holiday really badly. I need to escape and the thought of a holiday would be nice but what sucks is when you realize you have to go back. It's like back to square one fml. 


B.T.W, we know how the saying goes "some people build walls, not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break them down". Quite true I would say. I built a wall around myself to make sure I don't get hurt.. erm... long time ago.. but wishing people to come and break it. But nobody warned me that people may come to break the wall with wrong intentions. Result? You hurt yourself even more. Now, I realize my wall is growing taller and thicker. It no longer wanting people to break it but to make sure I wouldn't be harmed. I guess I'm adapting the trust no one's principal. I would like to thank all those people in my life for the contributions. I love y'all as much for what y'all did.


As I'm typing, I'm contemplating should I post an update of my blog on my twitter and facebook. I thought it seems like forcing people to come visit and how people wouldn't like to read something that is so sad. This also I have to thank my beloved friends who distanced me because how emo I can get. Then again, it's ok.. everyone has it's day. Mine just yet to arrive. So I hereby decided to post whatever update I want. HAHA. And if you decided to treat me as non-existence, feel free to remove me.

A girl doesn't need anyone who doesn't need her - Marilyn Monroe  

Better days

I am writing this because I stumbled upon my ex housemate's facebook profile. Yes, flooded with memories of those days. In which now, I regretted deeply. I never knew what I had. I was far too young to know how to appreciate things and people in life. At this point right now, I am screaming out loud inside. Please, step in to my time machine and let me show you my better days.

*plays Justin Bieber Pray* JK!

I was studying in SEGi college. Had a bunch of friends that i can talk, laugh and most importantly cry to. Partied occasionally which plain ol fun of dancing, laughter, smokes and such. Not bad grades and I actually cared bout my studies. Yea, don't laugh! Back then, staying up late was only for studies and boyfriend, only occasionally for  parties. Few good buddies although thru time and better understanding we grew apart. One person that I never really grew apart but closer was Christianne.She's from India. We did almost everything together. Laughed a lot like seriously. Well, there's fights too. Girl, you owe me one when I let you bunk in my room when your room is under "renovation". She's quite understanding too when I have my bf over. *shy* Oh, we also pierced our nose together and screamed out loud when we try to change the stud. heheh... Sadly, we did grew apart. She had to move back to India cz she's done with her diploma and I transferred to Inti College. Well, Segi is a small, simple college back then and I sorta regretted moving to Inti. (you Inti friends don't get offended. I love ya'll the same) Lets put it this way, people always says small town is a good place to bring a kid up kinda saying? Yeah, that's Segi. I hope you get the drift.

Let's go back to the better days before I get drifted to the dark days. Back then, I partied occasionally. Threw house parties that I am sure most of my friends laughed their ass off. Literally. We did really weird, silly, and crazy things. Plain ol fun and laughter. Everyone is so spontaneous with no agenda. And the party is really simple. No music or fancy clothing. Just booze and awesome company. We could play games till morning. Yeah.. crazy.

I believe I have mention 10 times if not 20 in other post and twitter that I dated the nicest guy in town. Well back then lah, now I don't know. I'm not gonna say the nice or nasty thing. I realize I will never find someone like him. Either better or worst. Well, I've met some worst guy (or have I not? fml) so I hope I'll meet some better in the future. All these while, I try to so called let him go cz I tot I still miss him. fml again. No, I don't. Don't blame me but he set the benchmark really high. No, he's not a hopeless romantic nor a heir of a wealth family. He don't know anything bout being romantic or did he ever bought me fancy gifts but everything that he did was from the bottom of his heart. Nothing beats that. Oh shit, I'm talking bout him again. No, I'm not a psychopath but hey, I'm talking bout those days and I can't help but flooded with memories, right?

Anyway, those days I was so contented and yet I don't see it? How does that make sense? Whatever. I don't own a car. I have to walk 10 minutes to college. Occasionally gets car ride from my friends.(thanks) The easiest access to the mall without help for groceries and basic necessities was Summit. There's grunts and complains here and there but I never exactly wished to have a better life. By the time I was done writing all this, I realized all this is gone. Long time. I have been living in the past. Don't really know what that means but that's how I feel.

Now, I wanna continue talk bout how I feel bout present. BUT, maybe next time. This post is long enough.

Story to share

I am feeling absolutely guilty for abandoning my blog like this for so long. No updates no shit. Only tweeting. It is probably the easiest way to blog. lazy haha. Anyway, I have been feeling better since.. erm.. last night. Well, as the usual me (emo-ing) and was playing Angry Birds to distract myself at 2 am. I have to say my insomnia is back but deffos not getting worst.

I know in the 21st century, many people are free thinkers, agnostic or even an atheist. What I about to say is that, something miraculously happened. Like I said, I was playing Angry Birds and I was clearly not enjoying it cz I'm forcing myself to play it. Why can't I do something else to distract myself you asked? Well, is 2am and there's not much to do. Argh... the thing that happened was, a thought or a quote popped in to my head. I have heard of this quote before. During one of the Sunday service last year at Grace's Church. I went and google the quote and found it easily.

   " God understands our prayers even when we can't find the words to say them. "

Immediately I burst into tears. I have been feeling sad for a while with the only problem, I couldn't let it out. It feel like it's indescribable and no matter how I try to explain, it just does not do any justice to how I feel. I kept asking around if my healing progress is normal cz it has been so long since it happened. So last night, I felt like someone actually understand my pain. It has been some time since I last said my prayers, so I did when I burst into tears. It probably lasted about 10 minutes there but when I actually stopped, I felt calm and peaceful. Something that I hasn't felt in ages. I also kinda understand the fact that God wouldn't give me something that I can't handle. I only wish that He trust me less.


So for the first time in months if not years, I actually fell asleep feeling safe, calm and peaceful. Sounds as though I died, wtf. lol. Although I am yet to fully back on track, at least the emo-ness somehow distanced. I also learned IF I ever feel sad or when I feel like my path is dimmed, I shall pray. I admit that through out the 7 deadly sins; pride, envy, gluttony, lust, anger, greed, and sloth, I committed some of them. I gave in hopping to feel better as if that's the way it's suppose to be. Mind you, I said I committed SOME not all! I don't wanna go to hell wtf. Yea, like God's taking count what I wrote here.

Anyway, everyone has different ways of making themselves feel better. Only that I discovered it so much later. *sweat* This is deffos my way and I sure many people out there share the same as well. There's another quote that I want to share before I end this. *wink*

"God's gifts put man's best dreams to shame.

- Elizabeth Barrett Browning

A letter to the 16 year old me

Inspired by Timothy and Audrey

Dear 16 years old Fiona,

I think I owe you one, so let me warn you about the future. Let me explain slowly. You are very excited about growing up, yes I know all about that. You can’t wait to leave high school and want to behave like an adult, right? I’m not going to ask you to concentrate in your studies because you won’t. You have a boyfriend and you think he’s the best. But you’re wrong and I’ll explain why later.  Let’s just skip ahead to graduation aight? Your best friends, Jenny, Alison, Christine, and Rachel promised to keep in touch and also signed a photo album you made in memories of high school. Don’t be disappointed but ya’ll never did keep in touch. Maybe an occasionally a “how are you?”, but that’s all.

Don’t forget that 5 months later, you are going to serve national service for 3 months in a God forsaken place called Kuala Kubu Bahru. Even till now, I don’t know where that is. You will cry a lot because you missed home and your boyfriend. Not to worry, you will meet Ivy, Cheryl, Neeta, Claudie and Daniella. All you guys will stick together the whole time and try not to fake your sickness with Ivy that often. The whole camp will recognize you both as the M.C. girls. There will also be a boy in the camp that likes you but that is not the reason why you broke up with your boyfriend.  You learn that the world is a huge place with lots to explore and he is (sorry to do this but eventually you’ll find out) a loser. Few years later he ended up impregnating a girl who just got out of high school and got married. Yeah, thank me later for saving your ass.

After leaving camp, you and Neeta flew to Kuching to meet Ivy. You had an awesome time there for about a week but let’s just say, what happened there, stays there.  Moving on, you wanted to go college but then you regret for your SPM results sucks. You manage to get in to SEGi College studying American Degree Program. Surprisingly your results weren’t too bad. The first semester, you drove to college every day. In SEGi, you will meet friends like Samantha, Roseline, Vivi, Victor, Jordan and lots more people! And you also moved to USJ 2 with Vivi, Victor and Jordan. You will be extremely excited with the new found freedom.  One night, you went clubbing with Samantha and the best thing happened to you. You will meet a guy by the name Shaun. He will ask for your number and you guys ended up together. He is a very nice guy and totally your type. He can cook French, Chinese, and Western food. Also he plays basketball and acoustic guitar very well. Just try not to bring him home and meet your dad so often cz your dad thinks he’s perfect and give you a hard time when you dumped him. I’m not crazy but 1 ½ years later you dump him for the world. Yes, you wanted to explore more and being with him you felt tied down. This is when the road of no return begins. You started to party a lot and meet lots of new people. You start to date Kenny’s friend Richard. Again I will tell you, he is a nice guy only the timing was wrong.  Six months later, ya’ll fight a lot mostly because you partied a lot and also did things that ended up hurting him and regretting it yourself. Just remember it’s no one’s fault but you. Nonetheless, both of you tried very hard to sustain the relationship. Even though things didn’t work out, ya’ll remained friends until today.

Very quickly, 2 years flew by and you wanted to study in America so you transferred to Inti College and moved to Ss15 as well. There you will meet Nagen, Vidya, Jun Hwang, Umar , Roohi and some other friends.  . Oh, don’t forget that Samantha and Roseline will keep in touch and meet up with you occasionally. On your 21^st birthday, you threw a pool party in Ss14 and got wasted. A year passed and your dad will forbid you to America and you ended up working for him. Then Nagen and Jun Hwang will be leaving Msia for America, leaving you and Umar behind. But be thankful, you will need Umar to go through all the tough times later.  You will also meet a guy who is 10 years older than you. Do not freak out because you will be 22 and legal. Just try to not fall in love so hard for him. He will not appreciate it. You will be flying to New York to be reunited with your mom since you last saw her 10 years ago. You were there for 3 weeks and had the time of your life experiencing the first snow and blizzard. Not to mention the shopping haul that you came back with. Few months later, you think things between you and bf is getting serious. You are wrong. He will break your heart to a million pieces. You will also have a hard time forgetting him. For months you will have nightmare and sleepless nights and all he cares is to hurt you even more. You don’t know whether to thank him for giving you a lifetime lesson or giving you the lifetime pain.  You are not sure when you will ever fully let him go. Also, thank your sister in law, Coco because she was there for you not all but most of the times. She encouraged you to go chase your dream in which, you will confidently. Do not beat yourself up but you will fail for the first time. Do not give up because not everyone succeeds on the first try. You will find something very useful online and that help you to make your dream come true.

Love,

23 years old Fiona.

P/S: Write me a letter on what you want. I’ll try my best to work on it.

Breaking point

You had me at my weakest moment, bring me to my own feet and be strong. What you didn't know was, when you broke it, you got me weaker than I have ever been. For once in my life, I felt so lost that I don't know what to do with it. All I kept thinking was the fight we had and then the good times we had. From the very first conversation till the day everything ended, I couldn't bring myself to believe all this that has happened. I'm trying very fucking hard to snap myself back in to reality and accept the fact. Why does it seem so impossible? I spent every night of my sleep with nightmares and waking up not knowing what to do. Is this the way my heart and brain mourn? When will it end? There's nothing that can trigger me to actually smile for real besides talking to him. Why wouldn't he try to work things for real?

I refuse to let this go after going so far but if you were given only once chance to see a person and to disappear after that, how would you use that chance?

WhiteBox

Yes, this is still a post on Phuket but I promise this shall be the last. Too freaking lazy to actually blog about day 3 so I just uploaded the photos on FB and now, blog on our last day of dinner. :D

Yes, if you were ever to be in Phuket and looking for fine dining, Whitebox is the place to be. Just remember to call for reservation and they will have a car come to pick you. And location. Awesome huh? XD

This will be a food only post.

The entrance. :)

 

Appetizer; Phuket Lobster Soup perfumed with Cognac. There's literate chunks of lobster in it. :P

Appetizer; Mushroom Cappuccino with White Truffle Oil & Pan Fried Scallops.

As for the main course, this!

Nue Yang Prick Thai Dam. It's actually grilled beef tenderloin with black pepper sauce and stir fried bean sprout. Medium rare, perfection!

Scallops & Prawns. :D with trio sauce, air texture of Parmesan, Risotto with Saffron and Parmesan.

  There's a bar upstairs with the view and breeze.... bliss.

Perfect place to spend an evening with the perfect partner. ok.. scratch the last one. It's a perfect place.

I kept asking

myself the whole night "Is there anything I could do to save this relationship?" while intoxicated. How do a person try to "be yourself" and yet be someone that he wants? It's totally contradicting but nonetheless, I tried my very best. I gave my very best till the point where there is no word needed during the break up. Just a simple take care.

I try to convince myself that I will be O.K. but I couldn't stop wondering where is the man that used to be so loving and passionate. Where we show the affection and shared the memories at the very couch. It come till this point where we were sitting on the couch, one end and another, no words at all. I realize when something has changed, no matter how hard I tried, it will never be the same. It could be better or worse. This is definitely worse.

Every couple in this world argue, fight, quarrel, etc. But this means they actually cared enough to put up a fight for it! I'd like to think the reason why we fight so often and broke up so many times was because there's something there to hold us together. When you realize your feelings for someone, how far would you go to be with that person? Is the feeling itself enough? The answer is no. Because you need to be able to be his tact team, to be smarter than him, have lots of friends, in short just be awesome. I knew I couldn't be everything that he wanted or give him everything in the world but at least I know I would give him my world. You know, the whole sweet talk kinda thing is just too lame for a cool person like him, probably that's why it didn't work. I'm a hopeless romantic and he probably is a macho man that is too cool to be in love?

I admit the fact that some anger is slowly building up in me. Well, of course I'm mad. The fact that after all I've done and he think it's not enough? Who the hell you think you are to demand all this? Here's a story I can relate to when I was at one of the Sunday service; 1 As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2 He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 3 “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4 All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” It was never a matter of how much you give, but how you give it all with what you had. Anyway, if you said that you did your best to save this relationship, then maybe I overestimated you and underestimated myself.

All I can is, with all this happened, I can or should I say must focus on my current plans. Well, that is something that matters to me the most right now. Focus and do my very best. If I get it, good for me. If  not, I'm sure there's other ways to get what I want. O well, like how often people said, "Don't make someone or something as the priority in your life when you're just an option".

Phuket part 2

Yess... I have finally gotten off the lazy ass and decided to work on my day 2 in Phuket. Even at this moment right now, I wonder should I blog when my temper is rising. People should really stop pissing me off. You can try and knock me and I will try to ruin your life! You can talk to me, I will just put on a deaf ear. You wonder why there's a smile on my face with a screw you attitude, it's cz from now on, I'm living for myself!

Anyway, on day 2, we went for island hoping that includes, Maya Island, Phi Phi Island, and Khai Island. Woke up at freaking 6.45am!

As usual, the first day of breakfast taste the best cz the following days are the same. *sigh*

Some artsy shot, definitely not by me! Anyway, we took the speedboat and head to the first stop, Maya Island!

I'd like to say the beach is really beautiful but.....

I really thinks it is over populated. It's not peaceful nor relaxing.

Although the beauty is undeniable. After 45 mins on this island, we were brought out to the middle of the sea, again.

And here I am, ready to snorkel. Don't ask why I'm wearing a life jacket. I have to... all because of BGBK! I don't wanna talk about it. *sigh*

  

There's also this cave where people live there and collect bird nest to be exported to many places. *Oh really*

There's a pit stop for monkey feeding. I was hoping they know how to swim in case one of the tourist pull and drop them into the water. *HAHAHAHA*

With all the activities, it was real quick for lunch time!!

For some funny reasons, they provided spaghetti. Oh well, ya know~ some people are not very adventurous. haha..

Walked around the island and took a quick dip in the water.. cooling best!

It will be picture perfect without those yacht. Again, it's too freaking commercialized!

As we walk, we saw some special service. 

150BAHT?! That is dirt cheap! Guess what is it please.....

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It's fish spa you pervs!! I still gotta credit them smart. Some pervs might not give a second thought and walk in. LOL!

Lemme introduce you to this bunch of mischievous boys. I wouldn't call them man. Anyway, they're from Iran and without them, our trip would probably be really dull and boring. Through out the whole trip they sang, dance, and also bullied one of their friend. Really entertaining. 

Took 45 mins from Phi Phi island to Khai Don, they was very excited and sang and shout, oh I would say they're really rowdy but heck! I'm on a holiday, lets have some fun! :D 

It didn't last very long till everyone fall asleep from the very filling lunch. including me. haha.

Khai Nai, no idea what the heck that means. sounds erm..... kai nai? -_-

Anyway, that's it for the day 2. There's toooo freaking many photos and I don't wanna flood it with this post. Oh Facebook, love you lots. 

Phuket revisited

I can't remember exactly at what age I was when I first visited Phuket so this trip is like Phuket revisited while everything is so refreshing. Anyway, our flight was at 12.40 noon. Just nice.

We shared a van with Samantha and group so it'll be cheaper for everyone. :P

Our room number! Anyway, we stayed at Baan Yuree Resort & Spa.

The room is actually quite spacious despite the fact that the view is rather disappointing.

It promised to be a sea/mountain view. Yes, mountain view, far far away. hahaha..

Not to mention our access card didnt work and we waited 10 minutes for the technician to fix it. Once the door is fixed, there's no electricity. Totally ruined the mood.

The employee were actually playing this game I don't know what. You throw the metal ball to hit the other metal ball. Quite fun, only if you can play well. =(

And obviously I sucked at it. I was given 6 balls to hit 3 balls. I only hit 1. fml.

My aiming is totally outta the way. =_=

I swear if I were to tell the tuk tuk where we stay by road instead of our hotel, we'll never be home.

It's really convenient for the motorcyclist since there's one of this everywhere!  

BGBK is the happiest. haha.

As we walk, there's this cute VW that turns out to be a bar. Love it!

The wide range of drinks to choose, one will be spoilt with choices!

The interior is pink too! Mad love.

As we walk, we randomly picked this restaurant for dinner. 

Can't remember what's this. -_-

Pad Thai. Bgbk claims that this is not how it's suppose to be. 

Tom yum goong! not very spicy, i'm disappointed. huhu...

White version of it. has a very milky taste that I find it to be average. Spicy is my thing!

The dinner turned out to be an average dinner with small portions. Which cost 800 bahts!

Totally wouldn't be back for it. Though we saw some white peeps learning cooking with them. haha..

This is the last stop where I negotiated for our activities. If I'm not wrong, this is the 6th stall and I manage to get our island hoping 1 day trip and atv&elephant trekking at a slashed cheap price. haha. Talk about bargaining, we girls z best!

My next stop. Getting ink temporarily.

 Call me chicken shit, I don't care! I don't want to be 40 y/o and look at my own tattoo and still think its cool cz it won't be anymore.

Although pain would be one of the factor but if you know me, I would go pretty far just to be pretty. Just not this one.

Based on our dinner, we're definitely not satisfied. Which calls for supper time!

Got ourselves some milk, instant noodles, chocolates, oh so sinful. 

But the sinful-ness feeling was immediately disappear when we remembered that we hatta climb a steep hill to reach our hotel. fol.

It's ok to eat.

It was quite a day. Full of surprises and ups and downs. Literally. Anyway, I will be uploading the rest of the photos to my FB. And then, I'll decided when I would be getting off my lazy ass and blog for the second day. 

Till then,  xoxo.