Sleep

Do you love to sleep? Because I sure do. I mean, who doesn't? I'm so good in bed, I can sleep for hours without having the need to eat. I used to envy those people who can sleep in late when I have to wake up at unholy hours just to go to work. But recently, things has changed. I'm envy of those people who can get a minimum rest say 7-8 hours sleep. Or even 6 hours.

These days, I can barely get a 5 hours sleep. Usually would be an hour n I'll be jerking myself awake. Worst still, I'm scared. I didn't realize it because I thought I woke naturally until I start to jerk and twitching myself awake. I start getting dreams that don't make sense. I'm afraid of the dark, I'm afraid when it comes nightfall. I'm afraid when it comes bed time cz it would mean another long n sleepless night. When the sun slowly rises and the sky slowly brightens up, is when I fall asleep. It is going to be 3 weeks since all this started.

I don't know how long this is gonna last. I don't know when I'll feel better but I just want to be able to sleep again. Like how I used to be. People tell me to be strong, have faith, but I need something easier. Like giving up.

We've been friends for 7 years. His best friend dated my then best friend. Partied, dinner and etc non productive activities. Probably have some photos but too damn lazy to go through the files. :P

We never exactly saw each other the way we would. Until a couple of months ago, fate *ahem* brought us along. We ate, we drank and most importantly, we talked. The way we never did before. We got to know each other, better. Ever since, we are inseparable. Not literally of course. We try to hang out as much as we could when I'm back and we whatsapp every single day and video chat almost every other night.



Today I woke up, feeling extremely weird. Cz I'd be whatsapping him with no replies. A one sided conversation cz he's out at the sea. No he's not a fisherman. Haha. He's out diving. And yes, there's no signal out there. :(

I realize this is the first time we did not chat since we got this close and yeah, I kinda missed him. Badly.

I never believed in long distances relationship and I think it's bullshit. But suddenly LDR doesn't sound so bad. Come back to civilization quick my dear, otherwise your whatsapp and Facebook messages is gonna explode.

Okay okay.. I sound so dramatic. He'll be back by Sunday. So hopefully all would be good by then.

*dear clock, tick faster please?*

Two weeks of celebration

So I have been on a almost 2 weeks leave and went back to KL. It was one of the best leave I've had. Spent time with family and had a simple birthday celebration in Cameron Highlands. Met up with a couple of old friends and catch up on life. Which I am really glad I did.

I'm back in Singapore a day earlier before my leave ends. When I got in the cab, on my way home, I felt everything is so foreign. Like I didn't belong here, like I'm all alone. Then, I remembered a friend told me that he admired my courage to move to another country and work. He wouldn't have done it. That was when it struck me, I'm scared! I'm all alone in a foreign country. What if I got in to a car accident, or got mugged or something like that? Who would be there for me?

This morning when I woke up, I felt even worst. The feelings from last night multiplied by 10 or something. It's like head first down a seven story building would make me feel better. Friends told me, it could just be the post-effect of going on leave for too long. True? Idk. As of now, I choose anything in the world than to be and feel like this.

The last thing I want to be is a burden to my friends. That they have to constantly talk to me cz I'm depressed. That they feel obligated to talk to me even if they said they don't feel so. I absolutely don't know what to do. Is this a mid twenties crisis? Is there such a thing? I hope it's not. I'm counting down another 20 days till I'm back home. =/