Saturday, October 15, 2011

False alarm

Okay.. This post is to write something nice to compensate my previous angry post + I think it didn't do Moink justice. Even so, I wouldn't remove previous post as it was written with the companion of anger and it was just how I feel. We settled our issues, and back as a happy couple. I wouldn't say the problem will never arise again, but at least we have a better understanding of each other. I'm all smiley but unfortunately, I feel like I'm gonna fall sick.

Anyway, I couldn't sleep so all kinds of thoughts ran thru my mind and I realize how happy I am being with Moink. He's very sensitive bout my feelings and welfare. Having our relationship started with a distance, the only thing he does is to ensure things works between us. The only thing I need to worry about is, he has an evil scheme. He wants to feed me so much I become a fatty. T_T
With that happen, I will be grounded even before my flying duty starts. Those who don't know yet, I will be starting my training with X airline end of this month. Hence, I can't afford to be fat and I did not see him for almost 2 weeks, I think I manage to lose some weight. :P At the mean time, I'm counting my days till I see him again. Can't wait to see you Moink!

Alrighty.. I'm feeling sleepy head now. Will share more soon.


Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Did I just made the worst decision ever?

I couldn't stop crying. This has been the longest fight we ever had. Three days and counting. I don't know what I should do anymore. I apologized but it wasn't sincere enough for him and worst still, I didn't even start the fight and yet I get the blame. For picking a fight, for my ego is too big for this relationship? Who's ego is too big? Seriously. Is it really coincident that you couldn't make it to come up to KL each time or is KL just not good enough for you? Whenever I brought this up, he says I'm being calculative, so I kept quiet to prevent it from going in to a fight.

If my ego is the killer for every relationship, then with you constantly bringing our past 'fights' up, you are not doing any better. I am constantly being accuse for not loving you or care for you. I don't know how I can show it to you god dammit!! I'm in KL and it makes this so fucking hard do you know that!!

I'm losing my temper again. I couldn't control my tears because its the same feeling before my failed suicidal act eight years ago. When you have all the blame on you when you knew clearly you didn't do any of those, it's a fuck up feeling.

You can't take care of me cz before the world even fall upon me, you already hurt me. Your door can be replace but let me tell you, words being said can't be replace or taken back. They cut sharper than blade or anything in this world. They can make someone feel like they are the happiest person in the world or it can make someone feel so low, even life is not worth living. I am absolutely outta my mind to actually think this is gonna work. I made myself believe it's gonna work n in the end, I got myself burnt.