Monday, March 28, 2011


is one thing I love and hate. I want long luscious lashes and for that, I need to put loads of mascara. Not to mention the smudges and they can be expensive too! For me the problem is when you're removing them. I have to keep rubbing them till my eyelids red just to make sure they're clean. I'm sure we girls practically share the same pain.

Thanks to all forms of influence, I decided to go for eyelash extensions. I actually think it's the greatest invention ever! haha. I actually did it once when I was 16, not too sure. Yes, vain started early! MomFi said the first time I said I wanted to diet when I was 5. Can you believe it? Me neither cz it's either I have very bad determination or it's just fate for me to stay this way.

I started to do some research on eyelash extensions and making phone calls. Guess what? I called 13 outlets with no luck. THIRTEEN! All of them is either they don't provide the service anymore or they don't even have that service. wtf? Then please freaking remove it from your website la fuck! *deep breath* Anyway, the 14th outlet, which is Amante Taipan. Thank Lord they have it! :D

Less talk, lets look at my eyelash before the extensions. Please ignore the stye cz this is the only photo that I can find.

Urrmm... You understand my pain now? My original eyelash looks so sad. haha.

The alternative is always the fake eyelashes.
But does anyone knows how torturing to wear them? The glue, the precision to put them on, oh God! Who needs them when we can have eyelash extensions!

No make up at all! Long luscious lashes! Best part is, I don't need bother bout my lashes any more! Throw all the mascara in to the dustbin. haha. I probably need to touch up the fallen lashes once every 2 months or so. Still love it max! Totally recommend it! 

Thursday, March 24, 2011

To cheese or not to cheese?

Yesterday as usual, I went to gym but once I step foot in to the mall, I started to crave for cheese cake. The thought of it really drives me nuts! Kept thinking cheese cake while I was exercising. @_@ In the end, I was weighing the pros and cons of having just a slice of it.

I even tweeted about it.

The response was pure evil! They encouraged me. In the end, what I had for dinner was actually sushi!

Not very healthy cz of the rice, I know! But but but, you need a lil bit of carbs you know? Well, at least that's what I tell myself. XD

And obviously it didn't stop here. There's dessert! 
Yes! One full slice of sinful cheese cake. *slurps* (stare at your own risk)

Anyway, with just one damn cheese cake, I actually thought long and thorough. haha. I worked out everyday (except weekend) I guess I deserve to pamper myself right? Besides, being happy is the most important thing. Why be skinny and miserable? No, it doesn't mean skinny people are miserable but you get the flow. Imma work out and eat but not away. Be comfortable in my own skin and yet perpetuate. What rubbish?! I'm saying this to make myself feel better after that slice of cake. I wanna be thinner! But who knows someday I'll actually be comfortable with myself. :)

P/S: All the above does not apply to obese people. 

Monday, March 21, 2011

Do you believe?

Things have taken a turn and what can I say? Seems like too good to be true. Yes, that's exactly how I feel. After all that has happen, insecurity is all I can say. What if history repeat itself? What if it's all empty talk? Trust is something need to be gained and especially harder if it was once lost. Like I said, every single time, I'm able to forgive even after I said this will be the last. Yes, I'm gonna give it a go with a promise to myself. IF problem persists, get the fuck out! If you are reading this, please don't disappoint me or I swear I will cut you. LOL.JK.

On the side note, as I was driving today, an idiot crossed the road so I slowed down but she got panic halfway and ran to my direction. As fast as I can break, I already heard some bone cracking sound! Stopped completely and the thought of blood splashed everywhere, omg!! To my miracle, the idiot got up and ran away. My heart almost stopped at the moment but since she's fine, I left. Oh yea, I think I forgot to mention, she's a dog.

Friday, March 18, 2011

Sleep cycle

Read this and thank me later for if you don't know bout this yet. For you will sleep and wake up more energised! Well, the down side is, you need an iPhone to do this. If you don't fyl.

Yes, you got it right. It's an app but not just any app. It's a bio-alarm clock that analyses your sleep pattern and wakes you up at your lightest sleep cycle. It's like waking up without an alarm clock and you'll feel more rested and relaxed.

The question is how does iPhone does it or is it even possible right? Well, in every iPhone there's a accelerometer and with this app, it monitors your movement and determines which sleep phase you're in. Anyway, Imma cut the crap and show you my sleep cycle! 

This is my first night. I think this is a typical sleep graph. 

With some alcohol influence. :D

This is the 2 nights were I had the nice dreams that woke me in sorrow. What deep sleep does to a person. sigh. 

The conclusion is not how the graph looks like actually. It's how the alarm clock wakes you up. Lets say you want to wake up at 7.30am. So set at 7.30, but the alarm will choose a time from 7am to 7.30 where you're in your lightest sleep. Almost everyday I felt like I woke up automatically. Feels really nice and I haven't slept a night without it. Go try it! It's only 0.99cents. Again, its for the awesome iPhone users only. :D

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Face it

I actually made this site a place to pour out my thoughts that some people would dread to read. Then again, it's my site and people who tell me to be careful of what I post here cz bla bla bla... Lets's just say, I don't care. You're not one of the 3F's.

Anyway, this morning, I woke up feeling O.K. actually. Can't remember exactly what but before I fell asleep I found a damn good reason not to call him any more. Also, when my sis was being so supportive she allowed me to disturb her any time until I'm fine but after that, she'll charge me. >< Daddy said it's better to be loved than loving someone. This isn't the best advise but if you can't love each other well, find someone who loves you. Someone who finds you beautiful even your hair is messy, and still smells good with the sweat. In short, someone who sees right through your imperfection and still loving it.

Anyway, bout my gym workout, I kinda got the rhythm. My packs is not back yet but hell, I'm losing some tummy as I see this morning. Besides, I still have less than seventeen days to Phuket, I probably won't look the best, but at least my best! Wish me luck! :D

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

Dream a lil dream

Woke up this morning feeling like crap cz my dream is better than reality. It has been two nights in a row that I dreamt of him. And not just any dream you see, it was us getting back together and we were stronger than before or so I think. haha. Anyway, I am the type of person who believes that our dream sent us signals and it's up to us to interpret it. Yes, I love waking up and think of what I dreamt and interpret it.

What would I interpret for this one? Could it be a sign of us getting back together? Hell no! This is just a fucking dream for I think of him too fucking much. What I should really do is slap myself hard and move on.

*Updated an hour later*
Fine, I admit that I actually went and interpret my dream. *boo me* But guess what? According to here's what it says " to dream about your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend or ex-husband/wife or that you and your ex got back together again, suggests that something or someone in your current life is bringing out similar feelings you felt during that relationship with your ex."  I guess it's not such a bad dream after all. 

Monday, March 14, 2011

I don't deny

the fact that even though I am the one who initiated the break up, I miss him a lot. I kept asking myself why did I ask for a break up I didn't even want. But I'm left with only one choice and no matter how horrible or how much I don't want that break up, I know that is the only way. Through out the day, the thought of calling him crossed my mind like a billion times, even now. That is why I am here typing a piece of my mind out. I have to keep telling myself, whatever you do, DO NOT CALL him. I don't even know what I am feeling right now. I feel the pain as though a hole has been punctured through my chest and yet, I can't cry it all out. I wanted to read my new favorite book The Rules of Life by Richard Templar but my mind wouldn't let me.I cooked dinner but ever spoon that I feed myself, I feel like I'm stuffing myself.

I was worried bout my coming holiday trip but now I have already settled that problem. Why am I still not happy? I realize subconsciously, I am letting go of everything, disappointing people around me. I should  apologize for I know who's feelings I hurt today. I think I will. I can't and won't stay like this forever. I need to find the strength to be strong.

Why the pain

when you can choose to feel good? It's very often that we kept thinking of the bad stuff and throws away the good stuff. Just like how we kept thinking how a particular person did us wrong and forgot the good stuff. How we over looked the good stuff and making a big fuss outta probably a small bad stuff.

Unfortunately in my case, I'm very reluctant to let go of the good stuff and allowed the bad stuff swallowed me in. Keep holding on even after being pushed way beyond my breaking point. What I need exactly was the logical talk, the type that would slap some senses in to me. I mean, I have been hearing all this for the couple of months but I believed that I should listen to myself instead of other's advice. You know, the type of thinking ; what do they know bout me? In the end, I guess I'm still a human with only so much of pain I can process. When I can think logically, I realise why would I allow some egoistic bugger mess with my feelings? Where he waltz in to my life and took so much control than I actually knew. Then again, lets not speak of the past. It happened cz I let it happen. This is the point where I fix things. To leave him and start over.

It is definitely the last choice I would make if it's possible. It's against what I want but I believe it's what I need. Sometimes we need to realise that, what we want is not necessary what we need nor is good for us and vice versa. And even I made this sounds like a total mistake, I would actually be grateful for he once enlighten me in many things. Instead of saying "all" these things reminding me of him, I would say this is part of growing up. If he did not came in to my life and did all this, someone else will. There's nothing to be sad about.

The new 3Fs that I think is hilariously true. If you think I give a shit, you're not Feeding me, Fucking me, or Financing me, so think again. So you might know my name, but do you know who I am? You might know my story, but do you know what I've gone through? One could be looking down on someone and thinks he or she is a loser but hey, everything has a cycle. *pause* Geez... I rambled so much without knowing. wtf. I could say I'm done with it but it still lurks in me. Anyway, its always mind over matter. I don't mind and you don't matter. 

Wednesday, March 2, 2011


I have this sudden flood of thought and I'm gonna write it down while it is still in my tiny box. I started thinking about what is the scariest thing on earth and to my realization, it's not ghost, beast or any lethal weapon but it's human itself. The reason why it's human is cause of the unknown. We all know what damage can be done by a ghost or beast or weapon but we will never know what a human being is thinking. Sure there are some human that is more simple and predictable, but what I'm saying here are those more complex human being. I'm sure everyone has experience at least once in their lifetime that a person that they knew once became a total stranger. Right? 

I like to describe a human as a room. It's how we decorate it and mould it to become who we are. We can decorate it with fancy things and live like the upper class society member living in the fast lane, or we provide the most basic thing for the room and be contented. Or we can decorate like a room of terror! Better still, have all those in one room. It is quite possible when you see it as a room with switches. What terrifies me is that, what causes the switch to flip in a split second? Let's just say plenty of reasons and let's not go there, shall we? 

Then the saying of be careful for what you wish for popped in to my box. We always wish, dream, pray, etc for something in our life, be it realistic or fantasy. Probably out of ten wishes, there's five fulfilled based on the fact that the other five is fantasies.haha.. We human really do wish and dream alot! XD 
I am going to be daring and say after all those things that we ask for, we only need one thing. Security. That's because what we fear the most is the unknown. Because no matter how hard a person try, shit still happens. 

We need to know that our wealth is secure, our health is secure, our relationship is secure but how the hell will we ever know that? Nobody can ever predict the future and please spare me with the fortune telling or horoscope or zodiac reading. It is actually mind over matter. You want to secure every aspect of your life? Secure your mind and allow no venom penetrating your mind telling you things you don't want it to happen.Yes, things happen because you let it happen. Problems arise because you created it in the first place. Mind is a powerful weapon that we have so little control over. Yes, at the end of my thought, I have no conclusion but to tell myself to strengthen my mind and gain more control . Such a simple thing yet such a long thought. LOL.