Wednesday, February 15, 2012

Whenever I feel sad or comes to an dead end, I always find myself here; writing things that some people would disapprove. It makes me feel worse when my blog is the place I pours my sorrow. It seems so gloomy and wistful in here. To make things worst, I find myself using sugars subconsciously to make myself feel better. Which explains the weight gain.

I have never needed that much of sugar before. Everything that I eat or drink, would be little or sugarless. Nor do I buy chocolates or candies! I may have notice a problem but that is definitely not the root. I never knew moving across the country for someone and also for job is such a big sacrifice. Leaving behind everything and everyone that I have loved dearly. Maybe it wasn't so bad since I have my love with me in Singapore but the truth is, my love have a life. Family, friends, work and everything else. Perhaps I stand a 10% above everything that I mention? I'm not saying that is little nor a lot, considering 10% all for myself.

I guess I really miss everything back home. Having being sheltered under daddy and could get almost anything that I want with a lil tantrum. Although at times I have to fight hard, it was nothing compared to what I experience now. At work, I have to be on my toes and that itself wasn't enough and I still get into trouble for everything.

Suddenly it feels like being back home is what that keeps me sane although I used to say otherwise last time. Insanity is slowly claiming me back as my life now has no one but my love and work. Being at work is suppose to be fun but not when you're new. All I can say is everyday is a brand new level of hell for me. As far as I know, I'm very close to shattering. 

Lucky me, I got a tiny break during Chinese New Year and sneaked back home. The feeling of being back, was awesome although my room don't really feel like my own anymore. I enjoyed every single bit of love that was poured by my family. Considering if I have eaten or worried I'd be bored and kept me company at all times except sleeping of course.

I wish I could be more understanding to my love and be patient and listen to him. I wish I can be everything that he wants or wish me to be. I know at times he thinks I'm picking a fight or being unreasonable. He even thinks that I'm being selfish for everything is about me. But that is just me crying for attention and TLC. I need to get my emotions fix before I could be anything or everything that he wanted. He sees me destroying the relationship but he does not see how I am trying my best to give him everything that I can or have to him.

This is very tough problem to fix you know; homesick and whatnot. I thought it would be easy if I could share my everyday with him but this is harder than I thought. I can't pour all my sorrows or emotions as he has his own and he needs peace and time for himself. In short, I gotta stop bothering him with my own problems.

I'll need to channel my sorrow, stress and whatnot elsewhere. and of course I have no where but here. Guess I'll be updating more often I guess? Well, if I only comes here when I'm sad, I wish I would never need to write here.

1 comment:

  1. I think maybe you ought to tell your partner about your sorrows - relationships are about the good and the bad. Maybe that'll make things better.

    Wishing you the best of luck - your new job, your relationship, everything. :)