myself the whole night "Is there anything I could do to save this relationship?" while intoxicated. How do a person try to "be yourself" and yet be someone that he wants? It's totally contradicting but nonetheless, I tried my very best. I gave my very best till the point where there is no word needed during the break up. Just a simple take care.
I try to convince myself that I will be O.K. but I couldn't stop wondering where is the man that used to be so loving and passionate. Where we show the affection and shared the memories at the very couch. It come till this point where we were sitting on the couch, one end and another, no words at all. I realize when something has changed, no matter how hard I tried, it will never be the same. It could be better or worse. This is definitely worse.
Every couple in this world argue, fight, quarrel, etc. But this means they actually cared enough to put up a fight for it! I'd like to think the reason why we fight so often and broke up so many times was because there's something there to hold us together. When you realize your feelings for someone, how far would you go to be with that person? Is the feeling itself enough? The answer is no. Because you need to be able to be his tact team, to be smarter than him, have lots of friends, in short just be awesome. I knew I couldn't be everything that he wanted or give him everything in the world but at least I know I would give him my world. You know, the whole sweet talk kinda thing is just too lame for a cool person like him, probably that's why it didn't work. I'm a hopeless romantic and he probably is a macho man that is too cool to be in love?
I admit the fact that some anger is slowly building up in me. Well, of course I'm mad. The fact that after all I've done and he think it's not enough? Who the hell you think you are to demand all this? Here's a story I can relate to when I was at one of the Sunday service; 1 As Jesus looked up, he saw the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury. 2 He also saw a poor widow put in two very small copper coins. 3 “Truly I tell you,” he said, “this poor widow has put in more than all the others. 4 All these people gave their gifts out of their wealth; but she out of her poverty put in all she had to live on.” It was never a matter of how much you give, but how you give it all with what you had. Anyway, if you said that you did your best to save this relationship, then maybe I overestimated you and underestimated myself.
All I can is, with all this happened, I can or should I say must focus on my current plans. Well, that is something that matters to me the most right now. Focus and do my very best. If I get it, good for me. If not, I'm sure there's other ways to get what I want. O well, like how often people said, "Don't make someone or something as the priority in your life when you're just an option".
I refuse to let this go after going so far but if you were given only once chance to see a person and to disappear after that, how would you use that chance? 
