Growing old is not an option, growing up is...

I'm gonna do a quick recap before I forgets everything or at least before I loses the inspiration to type. Here it goes, a year ago I fell in love. Madly in love with this man that I found a job in Singapore and moved across the country. My world evolves around him since then. My life in Singapore was built with and by him.

I hate to say this but all things will come to an end? Mine was just maybe to soon. I was so heartbroken I wanted to buy a ticket a fly home. I don't care if I break my bond and pay the penalty fee, besides, if I disappear, it was him who signed my bond, it's him that my company gonna chase after. I thought after what he made me went through, he deserves it. But I didn't do it. I use to be quite a bitch but this entire year made me grew so much. I learnt so much that I didn't think I would. For once I wanna move on without giving him what I think he did or did not deserves. He is the reason I am in Singapore and in this job but I'm changing that. I wanna truly enjoy my job or at least till the bond end. I wanna be responsible, and most importantly, I don't want to leave with a bad name.

I can't exactly say I achieved all this by myself. I need to thank my family for it. The support my sister-in-law gave got me through the tough times. She is the best sister I swear. Lets just say she did things that I never thought she would. Things I saw in movie and knew it does happen in real life but never thought it would happen to me. I guess, that's what family is for. =)

And then there's also a guy. Yea, I know every story has a guy in it. Let's call him Robert. Named him after Downey, Jr. cause he's such a badass and I like him. I'm talking bout my liking for the actor although I have to say I do think bout him (not the actor) a lot. We are pretty forward about our thoughts and it scares the crap out of me. One of the minor reasons is cause I know some things about him, yet I don't know him. The other reason is because I'm wondering if I'm thinking about him genuinely or I'm thinking about him so I can distract myself from the sorrow. I'm such a complicated woman. I dissect every single thoughts, over analyze it and scare the crap out of myself but I guess I'm just being a woman. I probably should just let it be and maybe in a couple of days, this thoughts would have died down and I'll realize how stupid all this is.

I actually surprised myself because I feel the sorrow is reducing as each day goes. I don't wanna rejoice yet cause I'm worried I might jinx it.

A strong person is not a person who doesn't cry.

A strong person is the one who cries and shed tears for a moment, 

then gets up and fight again.

I saw the above in Facebook and I agree with it, wants to be and will be a strong person. Cheh... so motivated. LOL.. That's it for now and let's wait for a few days and see if I would be happier or the opposite. 

Airplane mode

I have been wanting to write about this for the longest time but didn't had the time, blah blah blah... yada yada.. and so forth.

Anyway, I'm curious as how much people know about this airplane mode function in our iPhone or android?

Do you turn on the airplane mode in the airplane? Or do you turn the airplane mode on after take off? What is your practice?

You see, it is my job day to day to remind passengers to switch off their mobile phones and electronic devices for take-off and landing and I always get the reply " It's in airplane mode."

I'm gonna make it clear that Airplane mode is only for cruising. Which means when the airplane stop climbing, you can switch on your device to airplane mode. And then switch OFF your device when you're landing. Easy as that.

It's really funny when a cabin crew ask you to switch off your phone, and there you are, saying it's on airplane mode. It doesn't make you look very smart.

Look at the image above, and remember, only during cruising. It is not for take off and landing. 

Whenever I feel sad or comes to an dead end, I always find myself here; writing things that some people would disapprove. It makes me feel worse when my blog is the place I pours my sorrow. It seems so gloomy and wistful in here. To make things worst, I find myself using sugars subconsciously to make myself feel better. Which explains the weight gain.

I have never needed that much of sugar before. Everything that I eat or drink, would be little or sugarless. Nor do I buy chocolates or candies! I may have notice a problem but that is definitely not the root. I never knew moving across the country for someone and also for job is such a big sacrifice. Leaving behind everything and everyone that I have loved dearly. Maybe it wasn't so bad since I have my love with me in Singapore but the truth is, my love have a life. Family, friends, work and everything else. Perhaps I stand a 10% above everything that I mention? I'm not saying that is little nor a lot, considering 10% all for myself.

I guess I really miss everything back home. Having being sheltered under daddy and could get almost anything that I want with a lil tantrum. Although at times I have to fight hard, it was nothing compared to what I experience now. At work, I have to be on my toes and that itself wasn't enough and I still get into trouble for everything.


Suddenly it feels like being back home is what that keeps me sane although I used to say otherwise last time. Insanity is slowly claiming me back as my life now has no one but my love and work. Being at work is suppose to be fun but not when you're new. All I can say is everyday is a brand new level of hell for me. As far as I know, I'm very close to shattering. 

Lucky me, I got a tiny break during Chinese New Year and sneaked back home. The feeling of being back, was awesome although my room don't really feel like my own anymore. I enjoyed every single bit of love that was poured by my family. Considering if I have eaten or worried I'd be bored and kept me company at all times except sleeping of course.

I wish I could be more understanding to my love and be patient and listen to him. I wish I can be everything that he wants or wish me to be. I know at times he thinks I'm picking a fight or being unreasonable. He even thinks that I'm being selfish for everything is about me. But that is just me crying for attention and TLC. I need to get my emotions fix before I could be anything or everything that he wanted. He sees me destroying the relationship but he does not see how I am trying my best to give him everything that I can or have to him.

This is very tough problem to fix you know; homesick and whatnot. I thought it would be easy if I could share my everyday with him but this is harder than I thought. I can't pour all my sorrows or emotions as he has his own and he needs peace and time for himself. In short, I gotta stop bothering him with my own problems.

I'll need to channel my sorrow, stress and whatnot elsewhere. and of course I have no where but here. Guess I'll be updating more often I guess? Well, if I only comes here when I'm sad, I wish I would never need to write here.