Friday, September 24, 2010

Anger venter

Again, I'm so frustrated and almost burst out of tears. It's so silly because I've always felt frustrated and angry. And I think I know why. The reason is pretty obvious and right in front of my freaking face but I never notice it.

It's basically a cause and effect kinda thing. Very simple, what others do to me definitely affects me a lot. Worst still, family. Parents are usually the role model to the children, and assumingly, this is how my blog name is found. I wish I had the chance to get to know my parents better. This sound so wrong, I made it sound like they were dead or something. wtf. No, they're very alive and kicking.

Sometimes I really wish that things were back to that simple, just like when I'm was a child. Well, an wise old man told me once that I can not always look back and forget what's ahead. I gotta agree with it. But I never stop wondering, what happen to the unlimited love they had when they first got us.

What happened to the unlimited encouragement when you first learning to walk? And those, it's ok, try again kind of talk? It all turned in to scolding. Or more of venting out on the kids when they got their ass screwed outside. And I don't know if I should thank my dad or not, I inherited his best worst behaviour. Short on temper. FTS. And I will never walk a way or let him vent on me without putting up a fight. But of course, I'll never win any of those fight, cz he's the master of ridiculous! Now, I'm actually trying to not fight. Instead, I kept quiet and try to calm myself down by counting to ten. It worked in a way that I don't exactly want to shout back. Instead, I almost burst in to tears.

I don't know if this trick would help cz the amount of stress is causing sleep deprivation and I wish someday, I can say this:

"I can't sleep because finally reality is better than my dreams." 

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